A Crime Against God

After his fourth consecutive double-bogey, Lenny wonders if he was wise to skip church in favor of golf.

“Billy,” he says to his caddie, “do you think it’s a sin to play golf on a Sunday?”

“The way you play, sir,” Billy mumbles, “it’s a crime any day.”

The Swing Shrink

Lexington Pierce III, an obscenely wealthy oil baron from Texas, was touring the great links of Scotland. He stayed in the finest hotels, had a personal masseuse in tow, and drank only the rarest single-malt Scotches.

Pierce arrived on the first tee at Royal Dornoch with another man, who was pulling a luxurious lounge chair. Pierce’s playing partner Gerald, finally fed up with the prima donna act, spoke up.

“Lex, you have got to be kidding me,” Gerald scolded. “Are you really going to have your caddie drag that thing for 18 holes?”

“He’s no caddie, Gerald,” Pierce replied. “He’s my psychologist.”