Derwin is standing over his ball and about to take the club back when a voice comes over the clubhouse loudspeaker:
“Will the gentleman on hole number one please move back from the ladies tee.”
Distracted and a little miffed, Derwin ignores the instruction and prepares to swing. Again, the announcement rings out, this time with slightly more insistence: “Will the gentleman on hole number one please move back from the ladies tee.”
By now Derwin is quite flustered. Embarrassed but determined, he addresses his ball once again. “Sir,” booms the speaker, “will you please step back and play from the men’s tee box.”
Derwin has had enough. “No!” he shouts. “Now will you please shut up and let me hit my second shot!”
With No One as Witness
Worn out from hearing an unusually high number of recent confessions, a priest decides to skip Sunday mass and play golf instead. He makes the turn at 3-under par, by far the best nine-hole score of his life, then promptly birdies the next hole.
Up above, an angel watching the scene turns to God. “How can you let him do this?” she asks. “You should stop it right this instant.”
Just then, the priest crushes his drive on No. 11 and watches it trickle into the cup some 400 yards away. Double eagle.
Perplexed, the angel wonders aloud, “Lord, why have you rewarded the priest for his transgression?”
“Well,” God replies, “who’s he gonna tell?”